For Everyone

Three pictures to illustrate my state of  mind right now.

1. Exactly two weeks ago, I went to dinner with a friend. It was one of those evenings that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside and grateful for having such amazing people in your life. And I thought the night couldn't get any better when I saw that this was the fortune in my cookie. "How apropos!" I remember remarking...

2. This was a PostSecret from a long time ago that I had saved somewhere in the middle of studying for one of the Step exams. I think it was on a day that UWorld had me particularly beat. I realize it's horribly depressing, but I can't help but feel this way, at this moment.

3. I've had a lot of sleepless nights trying to figure things out and failing miserably. So I'll end with this-
Dear God, I won't pretend to understand what you're doing with my life right now. And I'm also not going to pretend that I am okay with any of this. But I will try to muster some kind of faith in the fact that my time will come. And if it's not meant to be, then I will try to have faith that you will lead me to what I am meant to do.

To the folks who are wondering what comes next- 

You are allowed to be bitterly angry, sad, and disappointed. People will tell you to keep your head up and keep going and not give up- and they are right. But you are entitled to every negative emotion you are feeling right now and don't ever feel guilty about it. 

More importantly, however, you cannot let this consume you and take over your life. Take your time to wallow, but also know when to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on. Yes this sucks. Yes you've worked your butt off. You deserved to Match as much as anyone else. Yes, life is not fair. No one ever said it would be. But you know what? You had a goal when you started this journey. And that goal still needs fulfilling. So it's going to take a little longer than anticipated- but that doesn't mean it's never going to happen. You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life. Be angry. That's fine. Then take that anger and use it as fuel to light that fire to get you started again. Be a fighter. And when you feel like quitting, take a moment, breathe, and remember why you started.

To the soon-to-be PGY-1s- 

You've finally arrived! Nothing but the best to y'all- you earned it and you deserve this moment. Be proud of yourselves. Don't forget to thank the people who helped you get to where you are. Be confident, but stay humble. Don't take anything or anyone for granted. Welcome to the rest of your life- you have this amazing opportunity to seriously change lives for the better and to help those that hurting- so go out there and become the physicians you've always wanted to be. 

To all of the above-

You'll be reciting this Oath soon enough:

I swear by Apollo, the healer, Asclepius, Hygieia, and Panacea, and I take to witness all the gods, all the goddesses, to keep according to my ability and my judgment, the following Oath and agreement:

To consider dear to me, as my parents, him who taught me this art; to live in common with him and, if necessary, to share my goods with him; to look upon his children as my own brothers, to teach them this art; and that by my teaching, I will impart a knowledge of this art to my own sons, and to my teacher's sons.

I will prescribe regimens for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment and never do harm to anyone. 

I will give no deadly medicine to anyone if asked, nor suggest any such counsel.

But I will preserve the purity of my life and my arts. 

I will not cut for stone, even for patients in whom the disease is manifest; I will leave this operation to be performed by practitioners, specialists in this art.

In every house where I come I will enter only for the good of my patients, keeping myself far from all intentional ill-doing. 

All that may come to my knowledge in the exercise of my profession, which ought not to be spread abroad, I will keep secret and will never reveal. 

If I keep this oath faithfully, may I enjoy my life and practice my art, respected by all humanity and in all times.