One Year, Reflections!

At some point in the middle of Juve on Monday morning, I realized that August 10th marked one year since I had first landed in Grenada. HOW CRAZY IS THAT?! I can hardly remember the shrimpy first termer I was a year ago and how completely petrified I was at the fact that I had just moved across the world to start MEDICAL school. Blows my mind.

So what's changed in a year? Well I'm still petrified. Though now it's not because I'm in a strange country without friends. Now it's because fourth term began yesterday and I've been told about 20 different ways by about a dozen different people that all the rumors I've heard about this term are true. GREAT.

Anyway, have I grown? Yeah, probably. I've learned not to run screaming from Indian kids. Probably the biggest change ever, though in truth, it's not like I can really avoid them at this school. Still though, my closest friends here are Indian and though there are a million things that I will never understand [the Hindi language for example] I feel like I've learned a lot from them in the past year. The friendships you form here are on a different level than the ones you have back home. People become family when you hardly expect it...you care more deeply and whether you express it aloud or not, you feel more deeply for them. They're a part of you whether you want them to be or not. There are still many things that drive me crazy about the Indian mentality, and I am proud to say that a year later, I'm still a very defiant coconut...who may occasionally pepper her speech with a Hindi word here or there.

There's also been some small degree of regression. Not in the personal sense, but moreso in the sense that I've had to deal with some petty drama here that seems like it is more suited for people who are still in high school. I've never had to deal with such crap before, but I guess it's one of those things you chalk up to a learning experience and move on. There are certain types of girls that will always be drama queens and the handful of boys that will perpetually be assholes no matter where they go. That sounds harsh, but if there's one place that's opened my eyes to the worst of human nature, it's been med school.

On the flip side, my personality has changed and I'm not fond of it. I'm an angrier person. I am more cautious when it comes to trusting people and I get into these moods sometimes where I shut everyone out. I did the stupidest thing I could've done and tried to forcefully change myself into someone I will never be. And I failed it at it, but that's one failure I don't mind. I've sunk to my lowest of lows here, I have had my confidence and faith in myself completely shattered. The number of times I've wondered if I had it in me to do this is too many to count. I've learned not to expect anything from anyone no matter how much you do for them.

And at the end of the day, at the end of it all, I'm a stronger person for it. And lately, I feel renewed. I have a new sense of purpose. I may not be the smartest or the prettiest or the most popular. I may not be in IEA or have a photographic memory or even a 4.0. But I know myself, I know who I am, even if I forgot for a little bit there. And if there's one thing the past year has taught me, it's the importance of having faith and hanging on to it. Faith in yourself and faith in the higher being of your choice. Perhaps I'm newly inspired. But after a year of ups and downs, I'm still here, hanging on. I'm here for a reason and I intend to see myself through to the end.

Here's to the next year and everything it'll bring...L'Chaim!