Ponderings

I just got off the phone with Michelle and Jess who are hanging out tonight and making enchiladas for dinner. I miss my roommates and I miss our themed dinner nights and homework parties and ice cream binge sessions even more.

I guess I'm just in a weird mood today. I've been feeling off-kilter for awhile, since last week maybe and now it's manifesting itself physically in the form of mild insomnia, random aches and pains, and these horrid back spasms that have thrown a wrench into my jogging routine (I haven't been since Saturday). I don't feel like I've lost weight but all of a sudden, T-shirts that used to fit me snugly before are not very snug anymore. My pants are looser and my appetite has been meh. The clinic here is pretty much useless because according to them not having a diagnosis might not actually be a bad thing because it suggests that there really isn't anything wrong with me. Right.

A couple of the girls here are going home for the next week or so because Grenadian Thanksgiving is this weekend. We get Friday and Monday off which makes for a nice 4 day weekend that I will likely spend studying. But my roommate and I are going to the beach one day so we can properly lie out and actually take advantage of the fact that we are in medical school in the Caribbean. I wish I could take an impromptu trip back home as well- it's not so much that I miss people and I want to see them (though when is that NOT the case?) but I guess I could just use a taste of something familiar right now. But I could never in a million years justify the $900 ticket cost or the idea of missing classes and labs unless it was absolutely necessary. Y'all know me and my obsession with not missing a single class. It happened in college and so help me God, it'll happen in med school.

I also need to find myself some flip-flops on this danged island. Should be quite the adventure.

Lastly, a recent realization- you can't save or help people who don't want to be saved or helped. You can put yourself out there time and time again but if they're not going to reach for that lifeline you're throwing them, then what more can you do? I think pride is a troublesome thing and that it would do all of us a lot of good if were able to find people that we could truly put our pride aside with and just be ourselves- in all our glory and in all our flaws. The fact of the matter is that we are all judgmental people- some moreso than others. But then there are the people that will have their opinions of you but not let that get in the way of anything else. The people who could care less what you do with your life as long as you're happy doing it. But if you can't see those people standing right under your nose, the people who unconditionally love and accept you for all your amazing qualities and your flaws, then there's not much left that they can do for you. You can't be embarrassed to free-fall in front of those people. Life's too short to not share the [bumpy] ride with others.

Cheers,
Srav